Marty Woolworth

Marty was a struggler and one could easily see it in his eyes. He lived with his Uncle Frankie and Aunt Marjorie above a used bookstore that they owned. Marty’s parents passed away in a car accident when he was seventeen and his Aunt and Uncle took over responsibility since then. 

Marty is forty seven now and published four different books. His books were all extreme failures in a literary and financial sense. Marty skipped out on college and took up writing right after high school. His parents’ death gave him an unnatural drive to write. Yet his books are not reflective of this pain he experienced. His books are also strangely marketed in a narcissistic fashion as follows:

1.       Getting to Know Marty Woolworth is Marty’s first book because he thought he had an interesting story to tell with his parents’ death affecting his life. Yet his book meanders aimlessly from one topic to another with page-long paragraphs of non-sequitirs and nonsense. He minimizes his parents’ death and glosses over the topic completely. The last line of the book is, “This book may be over, but Marty’s life has just begun.”

2.       Cinematography with Marty Woolworth is an exhausting book about hundreds of different movies and Marty’s take on them. The book contains absolutely no cohesion and rarely focuses on cinematography but rather is based primarily on Marty’s commentary on plot. The front cover is a picture of Marty dressed in English fop with a powdered face, elaborate white curls, and Victorian garb. The picture made no sense in relation to the text but Marty thought it was hysterical.

3.       Marty Woolworth’s Words for Sex is another exhausting dictionary-type text whereas Marty lists and explains thousands words and phrases relating to sex. Only a small portion of the entries are actually related to sex in the English vernacular. The bulk of the phrases Marty made up like, “Going fishing in outer harbor” or “Dropping a lucky penny into the sewer.” Marty explains how these words and phrases relate to specific sexual situations in tedious detail.

4.       Cinematography…AGAIN! with Marty Woolworth is another book on movies that is longer than the first totaling 879 pages. It is exactly the same style as the Cinematography with Marty Woolworth and Marty even uses some of the same movies. On the cover is a close up of Marty making a funny face with his face powdered and with English curls. 

All Marty’s books are self-published and an elaborate display is continually setup in his uncle’s used bookstore’s storefront. Marty constantly self promotes and sits by his books to explain and persuade people into buying them. Marty Woolworth is a character all right. A depressed, anxious, struggling, sweating character.